showtime, a-holes

[danceoffs]

OPEN POST

you know what to do

(potential spoiler warning for vol 2, enter at your own risk i'm not ur mom)

Comments

[donotdance]

[Let's pretend this is over some video device like in a game idk it just popped in my head.]

Quill. I have an urgent need.

beautiful

[danceoffs]

[there are some things in this life that peter can say with confidence that he knows. one of them is that drax hitting him up over his comm device with something like "quill, i have an urgent need" is not going to end well.

to say he's annoyed when he answers would be the understatement of the millennium; he passed proverbial go and took his proverbial $200 on that a long time ago. he lets out a sigh, and then:]

Dude, if it's to 'go to the bathroom', we've been over this a hundred times. Down the hall, to the right, don't ask me again.

my life my choices

[donotdance]

[He scoffs.] No, no. I know that. I was just there and it stinks now.

[Totally information you needed to know.]

are the best always

[danceoffs]

[god, why

W H Y]

Thank you, Drax, that's exactly zero freaking percent of everything I always wanted or needed to know.

[donotdance]

[He nods seriously.] You're welcome. But stop changing the subject. I need advice.

[danceoffs]

[he opens his mouth to say something, about ten different somethings, but you know what? there are just some arguments that aren't worth having with drax. like trying to point out what's actually sarcasm or the fact that drax is the one who keeps taking this bathroom thing way too far, not him.

so he doesn't make those arguments.

it's called maturity. or something.]

About what? [a beat, and then, because he's peter, and he can't just quite let it go:] And don't say bathroom stuff, because, honestly, I've heard enough about your bathroom stuff to last me for more than the rest of my life.

[donotdance]

No, it is about Mantis.

[This is so hard for him. A dramatic pause, a breath, and then:] I believe... she is still infatuated with me. A deep, needy, urgent, carnal desire for me.

[danceoffs]

[okay, at least a girl question is something that doesn't completely gross him out and he's at least semi-qualified to answer. once again, though, drax takes it too far, and there's a moment when he visibly scrunches his entire face in disgust.

if he never hears the word carnal again it will have been too soon.]

Coulda just left it at 'infatuated' and I would've gotten the picture. Just saying. [not the point, peter. not the point. try again.] Have you tried asking her about it?

[donotdance]

No. I have been told that I am... perhaps... over-the-top.

[lbr probably Gamora.]

I don't know what top I have climbed, but I am certain she was also insulting my behavior. Despite Mantis' freakish bug-like face, I don't want to hurt her feelings.

[danceoffs]

[sounds like gamora. and, well, she isn't wrong (she's rarely wrong), but she isn't exactly known for her tact in a lot of delicate situations, either. should've come to him first.]

Here's what you're not gonna do, and that's insult anyone, including Mantis. That means the words 'freakish bug-like face' are gonna stay in this conversation and this conversation only. With me so far?

[nod, blink, do something. this is very important.]

[donotdance]

[...]

But she does have a freakish bug-like face.

[Not understanding here. You want him to lie?]

[danceoffs]

[jesus christ

he stops himself just short of burying his face in his hands, but this is really starting to try his patience, which shows in the way he raises his voice a little.]

That's not the kind of thing you tell someone! Just — keep it to yourself.