danceoffs | showtime, a-holes

I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.

[he kinda knows the feeling. very well. but here's peter, asking life's most important questions:]

Was there booze? Like, a lot of booze? Can't crash a wedding if there isn't any booze.

[also why didn't you take any]

Of course there was a lot of booze what kind of question is that

[Because she drank it all and the expensive stuff she's not sharing]

[ :C ]

It's just one of those questions, man

Like what's up or where's the bathroom or why are you such a douchebag

You just ask it ok

Generally I don't ask why someone is a prick I tend to simply tell them and don't allow a follow-up.

It's all very amusing when they can't actually find a way to argue it

You don't wanna know why someone's a prick?

You're not like at least a little curious?

I mean most people just hit you in the face when you ask which fair I can respect that but sometimes there's a good story there!!

I like being right when I tell them exactly why they're a prick

and in the case that I'm wrong they'll correct me

either way I get my answers and some semblance of triumph

it's very fun I assure you

Groot's leaves are overtaking the common space again. It's your turn to talk to him.

[ it's actually not, but gamora is way beyond any semblance of being understanding about it. ]

[do you hear that, gamora? that is peter, groaning like his life depends on it, with a side of "oh, come on!"]

That's what you said the last 5 times

And you know what I did the last 5 times? I talked to him

Because I'm nice

But I don't have to be nice this time, because you owe me

You owe me so big

[ oh she doesn't need to hear it in person to know exactly what peter's reaction is. but, yes, she does hear him groaning from her quarters. ]

Are you really certain you want me to handle this?
I don't think I made anything better last time.

[ you know when she broke his gaming tablet over her knee before sending it out the airlock. that had been quite a yelling match with groot and rocket. ]

I guess I could just take away his things until there is nothing left for him to do but clean.

[yeah, he remembers that incident — mostly the scratch on his arm from the resulting scuffle that had hurt like a bitch and taken a week-plus to heal. does he want a repeat? absolutely not. but....

he would also like to not put himself in the location to repeat said incident in the first place.]

See? You've got this, you're a natural

That's the greatest idea in the universe and the best part is that I don't have to be there at all

You are lying.

[ it's the worst idea in the universe. honestly, she is a little bit betrayed and bewildered that he is going to let her do this. ]

I don't know how anyone deals with children.
Teenagers.
Whatever you call Groot's adolescent cycle.

[ she kills things, not space moms them. ]

[yes, he's going to let her do this. he's going to barricade the door to his quarters and cycle through all 300 songs on his new zune again while he lets her do this, what's so wrong with that]

Nope, I'm telling the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth

You can quote me on that

It's the greatest idea in the universe because that's EXACTLY how you deal with this.

[ :D ]

How do you know how to deal with it?

Are you an expert now?

[ she knows he isn't. not after the last time he tried to speak with groot about this. ]

Does being boring make you an expert?

[ yes, she is going to go there. because that's how much she doesn't want to have to deal with this situation. ]

[ ಠ_ಠ

so there'd been a moment, one little moment, when he'd (prematurely) thought the sweet taste of victory had belonged to him, that he'd leaned back against the wall, thumbing the scroll wheel on his zune with a contented sigh. but just as all moments like this are wont to do, it comes crashing down on him. he stares at his screen for a good moment or two, literally open-mouthed.

the a u d a c i t y]

For your information, I'm not boring

I'm about the furthest thing from boring that has ever existed and everyone knows that and if you ask around they'll all tell you the same thing

Go ahead ask you'll know exactly what a false and disgusting accusation that was

[ B I N G O

that is exactly the reaction she is hoping to get from him. sometimes, peter, you are much too easy to rile up. ]

If I went and asked Groot I'm sure he would have to agree with me.

[ does gamora really think he is boring? that's a good question. ]

I'm sure Rocket would agree.
Probably Drax.
We are the people who are with you the most.
I think we'd know best.

[ and, yes, she is a definitely smiling to herself in her bunk over how this is going. ]

Edited (let's not talk about my html issues ) 2017-05-11 02:57 (UTC)

[there's a lot that's going through his head right now, there really is, but most of it carries some kind of sentiment of what the fuck, gamora.

he's about halfway to getting up and stomping his way over to her quarters like the most mature adult that he is, but in the meantime, a series of furious, quick messages:]

They would not and you know it, that's the dirtiest lie I've ever heard

Unless you told them to say it

Which would be a straight up Lando Calrissian betrayal and make you a jerk

Jerkface

You seem to be protesting it a lot for you to be so confident it's a lie.

[ it's time to just kick back and get comfortable. she has successfully changed the topic. and gotten under peter's skin as a bonus. that's what he gets for not taking care of this groot thing when clearly he is the most qualified. ]

I'm not sure who this Lando Calrissian is or what he has done, but I think you are being dramatic, Peter.

If anyone is a jerkface it is you.

Jerkface.

[there is, maybe, one minuscule straw he can grasp onto with this whole thing, and, sure enough, he's going to do it. he stops just outside of his door to send off his brilliant counterargument:]

Hey whoa jerkface is my thing jerkface you have to get your own

Those are the rules and you have to follow them

Jerkface

[(groot, by the way, is definitely the last thing on his mind by now.)]

[ is she messing with him to get what she wants, or has it become a form of flirting. it's really hard to tell. even for her. all she knows is that this is fun. and she is really smiling a lot to herself. ]

I didn't know you had ownership of a word.

What other words are your thing?

[ so she can remember to use them later. ]

I can tell you what isn't my thing

Being boring

Maybe being boring can be your thing if you want a thing so bad and you know what it suits you

[does he actually mean that? no, he doesn't. it just feels like the next appropriate thing to say in this highly mature discussion.]

[ peter. peter.

is that what you say to the woman you want to make out with? tell her she is boring? how far is that going to get you in this game of unspoken things?

she clicks her tongue as if he can her chastising him for the really stupid thing that he has just said to her. because it was really stupid. ]

are you calling me boring?

[it won't take peter long to realize just how far he shoved his foot into his mouth like the complete moron he is; in fact, he may already be starting to get a sense of that. he may already be thinking fast on his backpedaling.

which is, of course, guaranteed to produce foolproof results.]

You called me boring first!

What else am I supposed to say to that??

[#nailed it]

Actually Groot called you boring first.

[ you know semantics. if he wants to play that game so can she.

really the best thing about all of this is that she isn't actually offended. rather this might actually be her way of flirting with him.

shocking. ]

I can think of many things that aren't calling me boring back like a child.

Edited 2017-05-21 19:47 (UTC)

[he doesn't actually know what's going on here, but if he had to take a guess, he'd place his bets on the interpretation of threatening his death, just to be on the safe side. and because of that, he's going to do what may be the smartest thing he's done all day — stop right in his tracks, turn around, and walk with a purpose back to his quarters.

that's about where the "smart thing" begins and ends, though.]

That's because you had time to think about those things

Which I didn't have

So I had to go with the first thing I thought of you know how that is

[Let's pretend this is over some video device like in a game idk it just popped in my head.]

Quill. I have an urgent need.

[there are some things in this life that peter can say with confidence that he knows. one of them is that drax hitting him up over his comm device with something like "quill, i have an urgent need" is not going to end well.

to say he's annoyed when he answers would be the understatement of the millennium; he passed proverbial go and took his proverbial $200 on that a long time ago. he lets out a sigh, and then:]

Dude, if it's to 'go to the bathroom', we've been over this a hundred times. Down the hall, to the right, don't ask me again.

[He scoffs.] No, no. I know that. I was just there and it stinks now.

[Totally information you needed to know.]

[god, why

W H Y]

Thank you, Drax, that's exactly zero freaking percent of everything I always wanted or needed to know.

[He nods seriously.] You're welcome. But stop changing the subject. I need advice.

[he opens his mouth to say something, about ten different somethings, but you know what? there are just some arguments that aren't worth having with drax. like trying to point out what's actually sarcasm or the fact that drax is the one who keeps taking this bathroom thing way too far, not him.

so he doesn't make those arguments.

it's called maturity. or something.]

About what? [a beat, and then, because he's peter, and he can't just quite let it go:] And don't say bathroom stuff, because, honestly, I've heard enough about your bathroom stuff to last me for more than the rest of my life.

No, it is about Mantis.

[This is so hard for him. A dramatic pause, a breath, and then:] I believe... she is still infatuated with me. A deep, needy, urgent, carnal desire for me.

[okay, at least a girl question is something that doesn't completely gross him out and he's at least semi-qualified to answer. once again, though, drax takes it too far, and there's a moment when he visibly scrunches his entire face in disgust.

if he never hears the word carnal again it will have been too soon.]

Coulda just left it at 'infatuated' and I would've gotten the picture. Just saying. [not the point, peter. not the point. try again.] Have you tried asking her about it?

No. I have been told that I am... perhaps... over-the-top.

[lbr probably Gamora.]

I don't know what top I have climbed, but I am certain she was also insulting my behavior. Despite Mantis' freakish bug-like face, I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Edited 2017-05-22 22:06 (UTC)

[sounds like gamora. and, well, she isn't wrong (she's rarely wrong), but she isn't exactly known for her tact in a lot of delicate situations, either. should've come to him first.]

Here's what you're not gonna do, and that's insult anyone, including Mantis. That means the words 'freakish bug-like face' are gonna stay in this conversation and this conversation only. With me so far?

[nod, blink, do something. this is very important.]

[...]

But she does have a freakish bug-like face.

[Not understanding here. You want him to lie?]

[jesus christ

he stops himself just short of burying his face in his hands, but this is really starting to try his patience, which shows in the way he raises his voice a little.]

That's not the kind of thing you tell someone! Just — keep it to yourself.

Hey, Peter. So you love Gamora right?

[dude. who's been going around talking about stuff like this without him knowing about it? mantis, is the automatic answer his brain supplies him, it's probably mantis, which... he can't be mad at her at all, because the fact that she's still learning boundaries about certain things isn't her fault.

but — they're gonna have a serious talk in the not too distant future.]

Well yeah I mean we're friends

You love your friends that's totally a thing you do unless you're a complete dick who doesn't love your friends

In which case why are you even friends you know??

[subtlety thy name is not peter quill.]

'You love your friends' 'We're just really good friends' 'Gamora's just part of my crew'. You're not great at lying, are you?

[Totally snickering. He sends another text after that one.]

Listen, it's okay. I'm in love with Katniss. I just don't mention it a lot because it's complicated. I was just wondering how you deal with it.

[:D]

[you know, he used to get that from yondu a lot, usually in the form of "can't lie for shit, can ya, boy?", followed by the ten-thousandth threat about eating him. a lot of that would happen in the process of "bailing [his] ungrateful ass out" after a night in jail, which he can admit resulted from getting cornered and some officer seeing right through him more often than not. he can also admit that his attempts to weave stories that people haven't quite bought have landed him in a hell of a lot of tough spots well past his teenage years.

yeah, he's never been that great at lying.

not that he's going to give up all his ground here. but:]

Look I'm not saying if you're right or not

Because you know what you could be so incredibly wrong you don't even know and you could just make yourself look so stupid

[sure.]

But hey say you actually are right and I do know a little something about this I could hypothetically tell you that even if it can feel like you're carrying around a lot of stuff all the time and you just wanna say something

Saying something she's not ready to hear is about the last way you should deal with it

Also if you're planning some big romantic gesture like the guy in the TV show always does you might wanna keep it to yourself for a while

[He takes a bit to reply.]

Yes, thank you. I'd hate to look stupid.

[c: But he actually pays attention to what he says.]

Huh. That's good advice. Though I think that ship already sailed. Getting myself hit/cut/punched/almost killed for her probably tipped her off. And if not, I'm guessing me saying my crush was with me when there was only her around, on television during an interview, probably helped.

So do I back off?

[um.

...

dude.]

Ok so that actually wasn't what I had in mind like at all I mean literally AT ALL but I'm pretty sure all of that still counts as a "big romantic gesture"

So basically take everything you just said and do the opposite

So I should punch her and force her to confess her feelings about me on television?

[Stifling his laughter right now.]

hey

so i got a question for you

favourite song of all time: go

[w t f]

Dude

Favorite song of all time like actual ONE favorite song??

That's some Sophie's Choice shit there man that's not even fair

[ c: ]

sorry sorry

just like

humour me okay

take a light stab at it

How are you supposed to take a LIGHT stab much less any kind of stab at all at what is literally an impossible question??

That's like if someone asked you why is Rocket a total dick and then told you to take a stab at it

Think about that for a second

Literally impossible

hahahahaha

[ Not that Peter's got much in the way of opinions on Rocket, but he's heard #Stories.

Er.

Most of them from Quill, though.

So maybe there's a bias there. ]

okay okay fine

top 5 favourite songs

showtime, a-holes

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i'm sorry i couldn't let go of this idea....

never be sorry, this is beautiful

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beautiful

my life my choices

are the best always

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text; pretending they're in a game with their crushes

i'm so glad for this

GOOD me too

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text;

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