danceoffs | showtime, a-holes

[do you hear that, gamora? that is peter, groaning like his life depends on it, with a side of "oh, come on!"]

That's what you said the last 5 times

And you know what I did the last 5 times? I talked to him

Because I'm nice

But I don't have to be nice this time, because you owe me

You owe me so big

[ oh she doesn't need to hear it in person to know exactly what peter's reaction is. but, yes, she does hear him groaning from her quarters. ]

Are you really certain you want me to handle this?
I don't think I made anything better last time.

[ you know when she broke his gaming tablet over her knee before sending it out the airlock. that had been quite a yelling match with groot and rocket. ]

I guess I could just take away his things until there is nothing left for him to do but clean.

[yeah, he remembers that incident — mostly the scratch on his arm from the resulting scuffle that had hurt like a bitch and taken a week-plus to heal. does he want a repeat? absolutely not. but....

he would also like to not put himself in the location to repeat said incident in the first place.]

See? You've got this, you're a natural

That's the greatest idea in the universe and the best part is that I don't have to be there at all

You are lying.

[ it's the worst idea in the universe. honestly, she is a little bit betrayed and bewildered that he is going to let her do this. ]

I don't know how anyone deals with children.
Teenagers.
Whatever you call Groot's adolescent cycle.

[ she kills things, not space moms them. ]

[yes, he's going to let her do this. he's going to barricade the door to his quarters and cycle through all 300 songs on his new zune again while he lets her do this, what's so wrong with that]

Nope, I'm telling the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth

You can quote me on that

It's the greatest idea in the universe because that's EXACTLY how you deal with this.

[ :D ]

How do you know how to deal with it?

Are you an expert now?

[ she knows he isn't. not after the last time he tried to speak with groot about this. ]

Does being boring make you an expert?

[ yes, she is going to go there. because that's how much she doesn't want to have to deal with this situation. ]

[ ಠ_ಠ

so there'd been a moment, one little moment, when he'd (prematurely) thought the sweet taste of victory had belonged to him, that he'd leaned back against the wall, thumbing the scroll wheel on his zune with a contented sigh. but just as all moments like this are wont to do, it comes crashing down on him. he stares at his screen for a good moment or two, literally open-mouthed.

the a u d a c i t y]

For your information, I'm not boring

I'm about the furthest thing from boring that has ever existed and everyone knows that and if you ask around they'll all tell you the same thing

Go ahead ask you'll know exactly what a false and disgusting accusation that was

[ B I N G O

that is exactly the reaction she is hoping to get from him. sometimes, peter, you are much too easy to rile up. ]

If I went and asked Groot I'm sure he would have to agree with me.

[ does gamora really think he is boring? that's a good question. ]

I'm sure Rocket would agree.
Probably Drax.
We are the people who are with you the most.
I think we'd know best.

[ and, yes, she is a definitely smiling to herself in her bunk over how this is going. ]

Edited (let's not talk about my html issues ) 2017-05-11 02:57 (UTC)

[there's a lot that's going through his head right now, there really is, but most of it carries some kind of sentiment of what the fuck, gamora.

he's about halfway to getting up and stomping his way over to her quarters like the most mature adult that he is, but in the meantime, a series of furious, quick messages:]

They would not and you know it, that's the dirtiest lie I've ever heard

Unless you told them to say it

Which would be a straight up Lando Calrissian betrayal and make you a jerk

Jerkface

You seem to be protesting it a lot for you to be so confident it's a lie.

[ it's time to just kick back and get comfortable. she has successfully changed the topic. and gotten under peter's skin as a bonus. that's what he gets for not taking care of this groot thing when clearly he is the most qualified. ]

I'm not sure who this Lando Calrissian is or what he has done, but I think you are being dramatic, Peter.

If anyone is a jerkface it is you.

Jerkface.

[there is, maybe, one minuscule straw he can grasp onto with this whole thing, and, sure enough, he's going to do it. he stops just outside of his door to send off his brilliant counterargument:]

Hey whoa jerkface is my thing jerkface you have to get your own

Those are the rules and you have to follow them

Jerkface

[(groot, by the way, is definitely the last thing on his mind by now.)]

[ is she messing with him to get what she wants, or has it become a form of flirting. it's really hard to tell. even for her. all she knows is that this is fun. and she is really smiling a lot to herself. ]

I didn't know you had ownership of a word.

What other words are your thing?

[ so she can remember to use them later. ]

I can tell you what isn't my thing

Being boring

Maybe being boring can be your thing if you want a thing so bad and you know what it suits you

[does he actually mean that? no, he doesn't. it just feels like the next appropriate thing to say in this highly mature discussion.]

[ peter. peter.

is that what you say to the woman you want to make out with? tell her she is boring? how far is that going to get you in this game of unspoken things?

she clicks her tongue as if he can her chastising him for the really stupid thing that he has just said to her. because it was really stupid. ]

are you calling me boring?

[it won't take peter long to realize just how far he shoved his foot into his mouth like the complete moron he is; in fact, he may already be starting to get a sense of that. he may already be thinking fast on his backpedaling.

which is, of course, guaranteed to produce foolproof results.]

You called me boring first!

What else am I supposed to say to that??

[#nailed it]

Actually Groot called you boring first.

[ you know semantics. if he wants to play that game so can she.

really the best thing about all of this is that she isn't actually offended. rather this might actually be her way of flirting with him.

shocking. ]

I can think of many things that aren't calling me boring back like a child.

Edited 2017-05-21 19:47 (UTC)

[he doesn't actually know what's going on here, but if he had to take a guess, he'd place his bets on the interpretation of threatening his death, just to be on the safe side. and because of that, he's going to do what may be the smartest thing he's done all day — stop right in his tracks, turn around, and walk with a purpose back to his quarters.

that's about where the "smart thing" begins and ends, though.]

That's because you had time to think about those things

Which I didn't have

So I had to go with the first thing I thought of you know how that is

showtime, a-holes

never be sorry, this is beautiful

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